Crawling Back Up is Hard To Do
by iluvchimpdarts
Summary: Sara leaves, and gets herself into trouble. Can Catherine save her? Femlash, mature content


**_Ok, it's chimp1984 and iluvdarts here, trying out a new adventure. iluvdarts started a new story, and I got an idea for another story. Then we decided to venture into what SoFrost and scubysnak has done. We hope you enjoy! _**

**_chimp1984 is going to be writing in Sara's POV, and iluvdarts is going to be writing in Catherine's POV._**

**_We really hope you enjoy and join us for this new adventure we're trying out._**

**_chimp1984 & iluvdarts

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_Sara's POV:_

I've been sitting in my car for the last 10 minutes trying to figure out how I'm going to say what I've been wanting to say for the last 5yrs.

I sigh "It doesn't matter how I say it, I just need to say it. Get it off my chest!" I thump the steering wheel "Just get out of the damn car, then!"

I open the car door and walk up to her door

"Those are pretty hanging flowers she has there…" I think to myself, but I need to stop stalling, so I take a deep breath and I raise my hand, which feels full of lead at this moment in time, and I knock.

"Maybe I should just run, I can't do this, what if she laughs in my face? She's not in, it's a waste of my time anyways" I say to myself, and just as I turn to leave, the door opens.

"Sara? What are you doing here?" Catherine says, looking slightly surprised

God, she looks so hot right now! Even in sweatpants, a ratty old t-shirt and her hair in a messy ponytail, she manages to make it sexy…

"Sara? Are you ok?" Catherine asks and I realize I haven't said anything yet

"Um… yeah…" I clear my throat "Um… can we talk? I sorta have something to tell you…" I say, looking anywhere but at her

"Sure, come on in…" she says, stepping to the side, inviting me, and I take the invitation, stepping inside her house. But I still look anywhere but at Catherine.

"Do you want coffee?" Catherine asks with a hint of worry

"Um, sure. If you don't mind?" I reply, timidly and glancing at Catherine

"I wouldn't ask if I didn't mind" she says, giving me a smirk

God, even that smirk is sexy!

"True" I say

"Well, you have three choices A) you can stand there, looking around, pretending NOT to be nervous and look like you're going to be sick on my newly washed floors, B) you can sit on my sofa, so if your legs turn to jelly, as I'm pretty sure they will do considering you're looking pretty green right now, you won't fall on your ass or C) you can join me in the kitchen and make small talk with me until the coffee is ready and you're ready to talk to me about whatever it is you wanna talk about… so which is it going to be?" Catherine says, smirking again

Busted. I look up at her and I go through the options she gave me, be sick on her floor, fall on my ass, or make small talk with Catherine? Hmm… hard choice… Of course I'm going to chose option C, I need to be close to her. This love I have for her is slowly killing me and it will kill me if I don't say anything soon.

"Uh, C?" I say, smirking back

"Ok, well come on then" she turns and walks towards the kitchen

Nice ass! Hmmm, I just wanna touch that ass, caress it, pull her close to me while grabbing that beautifully sculpted ass… shit! I'm supposed to be following Catherine, not staring at her ass. I manage to get my feet working and I join Catherine in the kitchen.

"You can sit down, you know"

"Oh, yeah. Thanks" I pull out a chair furthest from Catherine to keep me from touching her in ways I've only dreamt about.

I watch her as she goes about her kitchen, putting the coffee grinds in the coffee maker, grabbing to cups, getting the cream and sugar out and placing them next to the cups with a spoon

"I don't bite" she says as she turns around

Hmmm… how I would love her to bite my neck, my shoulder, my nipples… DAMMIT! Don't go there, Sara!

"Yeah… well… I uh… just grabbed the first chair I saw…" I say, feeling the heat rise in my face and between my legs, I clear my throat "Is it hot in here? I'm hot…" I say, tugging at my shirts collar

"No… I'm not hot… you ok? You're looking flushed…" Catherine says, walking towards me

"Uh, yeah… yeah… um, can I use your washroom?" I ask, getting up and stepping away

"Sure, of course. You know where it is."

"Yep! Ok, I'll be back…" and I quickly dart out of the kitchen, up the stairs and into the washroom.

I quickly turn on the cold water and start splashing my face

"Come on, Sara. You can't be thinking of Catherine like that. Especially in her house! Leave it to your dreams, fantasies and when you need a sexual release!" I murmur to myself, whilst looking in the mirror

"Get it together, and tell her. I mean, what can happen? She says she has the same feelings, or she hates you, which can't be much worse than when I first arrived. Fine, here's the dealio… you leave her washroom and tell her. Got it? Got it."

I splash my face once again then I dry it and walk out of the bathroom to the kitchen

"There you are! I was just about to come see if you were ok" Catherine says as soon as I enter the kitchen

"Oh, I'm fine. Look, um… I need to tell you something. It's something important…" I say, digging my hands in my pocket, glancing down at the floor

"Yeah, ok. You want to take the coffees to the living room? It'll be more comfortable in there" Catherine suggests

"Sure"

I pick up our coffees

"Lead the way" I say and I follow Catherine into the living room and sit down handing her a cup

"I don't drink black" she says, smiling

"Huh? Oh! Oops, sorry." and I hand her the other cup and I take the one in her hand

"So… what do you want to talk about? If it's about yours and Grissom's sex life… I'll try my best, but if he can't get it up, I suggest Viagara"

I laugh nervously and tell myself it's now or never

"No… believe it or not, we haven't had sex in awhile. We've actually only done it maybe 2 times? He's as bland as he is at work. No excitement. I would've thought with his slight obsession with Lady Heather, he would be a bit more interesting" I laugh "I just know now that sex with the ladies is a HELL of a lot better"

At that comment, Catherine spews out her coffee

"Excuse me?!? You've had sex with women?" she says, shocked

"Uh… yeah? I've just been experimenting with these last few guys. Hank and Grissom. Hank was a typical guy, comes and then goes to sleep. Grissom comes, but I can't. I never have unless I've been with a chick" I state matter-of-factly

"Oh" Catherine says "Is that what you wanted to talk about? Being gay and experimenting with guys?" she asks putting down the coffee

"You can say that…" I say, my heart beating faster with nervousness

"Well, I don't have a problem with you being gay" Catherine says turning to me

"You might" I whisper as I look down

"Why? You've come to tell me you have a crush on me? Ooh! Wait! You're madly in love with me and you can't go on without me knowing?" she says chuckling

My head jerks up. This was a bad idea.

"Uh… no…?" I try to smile, she obviously thinks this is funny

"Shit. You have." she says, staring at me then she stands up and walks over to her window and looks out onto street

I hang my head and sigh, now I'm feeling really awkward and stupid for even THINKING of telling her how I feel

Catherine turns around "Look Sara. I'm flattered, really… but…"

"But you're not like that. I get it. I was stupid" I say, trying to hide my hurt

"I'm not saying I'm not. I'm experimented, yes. Women are better, I understand. But, didn't you hear me when I said that shipping off the company pier is just asking for trouble?" she says, then comes and sits down on the couch again.

"Yeah, but I thought that we… that maybe… we could maybe… make it work?" I whisper, fighting back the tears. This was an extremely stupid idea

"Honey, I'm flattered, but I don't want to take the chance, and I've never even thought of you in that way before. I think it'd be better if we're just friends. I'm sorry" she says, placing a hand on top of mine but I quickly move it away and I get up

"It's ok, really. I mean why would anyone think of me anything more than just a friend? I'm Sara Sidle, the unemotional workaholic, but nobody sees that I have feelings to and that I can actually love somebody. But whatever. Just forget I said anything. See ya later" I turn to leave

"Sara, please… stay…" she says

"Why? So you can laugh at me? Tell me how silly I'm being? I'll see you around, maybe." and I walk away with Catherine calling after me, my tears falling freely down my face as I feel my heart shattering

I need to get away

* * *

It's been a few months since that god awful day. I went home, packed a few bags and left for 'Frisco. 

When I arrived I called a few of my old buddies and I was invited to a party, like old times. I had a few beers, and smoked a few joints.

The addiction started with a few joints every couple days, then a few a day, to a hundred dollars worth, to two hundred dollars worth and it quickly escalated to a pay checks worth a day where I was missing bills and rent just to get high

I know I'm smarter than this, but this pain I'm feeling in my heart, it takes the pain away.

I went to another party and was offered coke. Now it's my drug of choice. I was evicted from my apartment for being 3 months late on rent, and I was living in my car. I tried to quit, but this pain is too much so I only lasted a day and a half.

It got so bad that I sold my twenty thousand dollar car just to get coke to last me a week. A few times, I ended up in the hospital with an overdose. I wish I would've died, I'm ashamed of myself for getting so bad, but I can't stop. Not by myself. I know I need help, but I'm too ashamed to ask for it. I don't want to feel anything more, I just want to die.

I'm hurting for a hit right now. I'm crashing from friend's couch to friend's floors. Sometimes I sleep on a park bench when my friends can't manage to let me stay a night. I'm at a friend's house, and we have no money for a hit. We're trying to figure out how we're gonna get money.

My credit card is maxed at it's fifty thousand dollar limit. Yeah, I know it's sad, but I needed the money for coke.

"How about we rob a few stores" I suggest

My buddies look at me in shock

"What?" I ask, annoyed

"Nothing…"

"Great, I got a gun, we can steal a car and hit a few stores in a 10-block radius. Stash the car in the Bay and catch a bus back here." I say, calmly, like I've done this before. I haven't, but I used to be a CSI, I know how to do things without getting caught.

"Ok" they say

"Great, let's go"

* * *

We robbed about 20 stores and managed to get about ten thousand dollars. That was a week ago and we were never caught. 

I got my welfare check today, and I'm blowing it on coke. I used to get so pissed off at those bums who would get their welfare check and blow it on alcohol or drugs. Saying that we, the tax payers, are the ones paying for their addiction. Now, I understand how it feels. In a pit, feeling lower than low. Like a piece of shit on the bottom of someone's shoe. Wanting help, knowing people are looking at you disgusted. Getting comments saying the exact same things I would say not even 6mths ago. But I really don't' care. All I care about is a hit to get me high so I don't think or feel.

I dial my dealer

"Yo" he answers

"Buddy, it's me. Got 700"

"Just got some fresh in. Regular pick up, an hour"

"Great" I hang up

I walk over to our regular place, and I have a feeling something isn't right. I'm getting suspicious. But I figure it's just my high dying.

I wait around, smoking a cigarette until he arrives. He leans against the wall, and I stand in front of him, blocking anybody's view of us. I hand him the cash, and he hands me my "package" I place it in my knapsack, and he's gone.

I turn around to head for home

FUCK!!

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**_So there's the first chapter, iluvdarts is next. Hope you enjoyed it! Please let us know what you thought! We'll love you forever! _**


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